Miracles or murder interview with Patrick Kicken

Dutch DJ Patrick Kicken and I have recorded a conversation (in English) about the message of A Course in Miracles and my 2016 book “Miracles or murder”. Nothing was discussed in advance; we just started talking. Of course, related themes such as reincarnation, near-death experiences and nondual metaphysics came up, but also rather practical issues such as how to ‘deal’ with an obnoxious neighbor, or an ex-girlfriend. If you’re interested, you can either watch the interview on YouTube or listen to it on Spotify (84 minutes). Enjoy!

— Jan-Willem van Aalst, April 2024

Killing thoughts

When moving about in the public space, have you ever noticed how quickly you disapprove of something or someone? Traffic that doesn’t behave the way you would like it to; people who seem to act selfishly without paying any attention to their surroundings; or people whose appearance you simply don’t like. For myself, I try to make it a habit of watching my own judgments of people and situations at hand. To my dismay I find, if I am truly honest with myself, that I condemn virtually everyone and everything outside of me. It may be as slight as a seemingly insignificant twinge of disapproval that quickly vanishes, but I nevertheless almost always find something to reject in what I see.

In A Course in Miracles, we are told that any single rejection (condemnation, really), however small it may seem, reflects the ontological rejection of God by the seemingly sleeping Son of God, which set in motion the separated dream world of time and space. Lesson 21 teaches us: “The degree of the emotion you experience does not matter. You will become increasingly aware that a slight twinge of annoyance is nothing but a veil drawn over intense fury.” (WpI.21.2:4-5). Moreover, the Course expands the notion of murder from physical murder to include psychological murder as well. This means that every time I choose to disapprove of someone, I am actually choosing murder.

Whether I choose a slight twinge of annoyance or a physical attack does not matter, at least in terms of content: in either case, I choose to be a murderer. Therefore, as far as the Course is concerned, the saying “If looks could kill…” might just as well be restated as “Unkind thoughts do kill.” After all, a dirty look is merely the effect of a condemning thought we first chose to believe in the mind. Similarly, physical murder is the effect of a condemning thought that was actively chosen in the mind. Again, whenever the Course mentions the word murder, this refers first and foremost to psychological murder, or condemnation in the mind. The effects in terms of what our senses see merely follow.

Course scholar Kenneth Wapnick often pointed out that we should not be dismayed at all by this realization that we constantly choose murder instead of miracles throughout our days. On the contrary, in one sense we should leap up with joy, for at least now we realize what it is we could choose to undo. Jesus cannot ask us to “choose to change our mind about the world” (T-21.in.1:7) as long as we do not fully realize what it is we are choosing to undo. If I spend my days telling myself I am a peaceful soul, that all people are wonderful, and that in fact everything in the world is beautiful, I am merely choosing a very shallow layer of peace that inevitably gets torn apart by the hate and attack that govern all things in time and space, as long as we still crave to be separated individuals.

A fruitful Course practice, then, comes to down to vigilantly watching my own thought stream for any unkind thought to surface. And then merely watch it. I can train myself to watch my own negativity from ‘above the battleground’ (T-23.IV). As an observer. I can realize I am not my unkind thoughts – I am the decision maker that apparently makes mistakes by choosing the ego fuel (i.e., condemnation) with the sole purpose of keeping myself distinctly separated from everyone else, to ‘prove’ that I exist as a unique individual. Now at least I’m being honest. This honesty is crucial for being able to take the next step.

This next step boils down to shifting awareness from seeing differences all around me (in worthiness) to seeing sameness all around me (“we are all equally worthy”). Jesus would rephrase this inner shift as a choice to see miracles instead of murder; to see content instead of form. To be sure, the perception of differences remains, but that’s form. Seen from the perspective of content, I share the same holographic aspects of the Son of God with all living things around me. The Light of Love is the same in each and everyone. God (i.e., Love) does not play favorites: everyone is equally worthy. Since perception follows projection, each life form I perceive outside of me merely mirrors my own unconscious state of mind. “Nothing so blinding as perception of form”, we read in (T-22.III.6:7). Therefore, if I want inner peace, I should offer it to everyone and everything, regardless of the form my sensory organs seem to perceive and interpret.

At this point, it is important to note that you and I should not in the least feel guilty about still having negative thoughts. “It would indeed be strange if you were asked to go beyond all symbols of the world, forgetting them forever; yet were asked to take a teaching function. You have need to use the symbols of the world a while. But be you not deceived by them as well.” (WpI.184.9:1-2; my italics). If I had truly abandoned all negativity in my mind and had reached the top of the ladder of the acceptance of the Atonement, I wouldn’t be here any longer in time and space. My awareness of my unkind thoughts merely shows me that I still have forgiveness lessons to learn in this classroom I call my physical life. One of the most uplifting aspects of A Course in Miracles is that we are all guaranteed to learn these “Lessons of Love”. Everyone will eventually graduate and return to Oneness; if not yet in this life, then most certainly in a next life.

Our sole remaining freedom here is to choose how long we will take to finally make this happy shift from murder to miracles. We all still tenaciously hold on to our deeply cherished individual judgmental existence because we are afraid of what would become of us if we would really let that go. So once again, as this reassurance of Jesus cannot be repeated too often: “You believe that without the ego, all would be chaos. Yet I assure you that without the ego, all would be love.” (T-15.V.1:7). In other words, “Why wait for Heaven?” (W-pI.131.6:1; W-pI.188.1:1). You and I could make this choice right now. The inner peace that inevitably follows from making this choice shows us we are well on our way back Home to the Heart of God which we never left. Thoughts can kill, but thoughts can also bless. The choice is up to us.

— Jan-Willem van Aalst, April 2024

Recalling Home

All good students of A Course in Miracles realize that the Easter celebration is not at all about the crucifixion; it’s solely about the resurrection, which was Jesus’ ultimate demonstration that death cannot conquer life (cf. T6-I.9:1-11:4). In the Course, Jesus also debunks the Christian myth that this applied solely to him as one and only son of God. Time and again in his Course, Jesus emphasizes that we are equals, and he invites us to follow him as a role model; not by crucifying ourselves or by committing suicide and then expecting to rise again from death, but to practice seeing the face of Christ in all our brothers and remember God (M-5.2:1-3).

This is because to remember God is to remember our true Identity and inheritance as the (symbolic) radiant sunbeams of the primordial Sun which is God, or Love (capital L). By our limited sensory apparatus, we believe we spend our days in time in a body in a threatening world, separate from all other life forms, with our Creator nearly forgotten. Jesus in A Course in Miracles teaches us that all ephemeral things in time and space merely constitute a dream, an unreality born from the impossible tiny, mad idea (T-27.VIII.6) of the sunbeams that they could actually separate from their Creator, the Sun. The entire material universe is nothing but the feeble fantasy of the sunbeams dreaming of separation, time, space, bodies, and death. Everything in this dream is diametrically opposed to the characteristics of the eternal Heaven that is our Home, just to stubbornly ‘prove’ that the separation from God did indeed happen.

And so we need not be saved from death; we merely need recall once again Who we are and Where our true Home resides. A Course in Miracles, like many other spiritual paths, invites its students to wake up from a dream which has no basis whatsoever in reality, in spite of what our five senses tell us. Again, the sunbeams, being blessed with free will, deliberately made this fantasy dream, born from the desire to be the almighty creator themselves. As Jesus teaches his students: “In time, this [the tiny, mad idea of separation] happened very long ago [the big bang, about 14 billion years ago]. In reality it never happened at all” (M-2.2:7-8). This concept is hard to grasp only because we are still so enamoured by our own made-up special unique ego-self. Any invitation to let that go feels like accepting the end of our very existence, which, let’s admit it, is not an enticing prospect. Yes, my body deteriorates and dies (which ‘proves’ that the separation did occur), but at least I exist. It’ll be a cold day in hell before I give that up.

And so within this fantasy of time and space, our souls reincarnate millions of times, hoping against hope that maybe this time we might find lasting happiness in this particular body in these particular circumstances. When you view this soul journey from the viewpoint of the entirety of time and space, that’s a rather bleak perspective. On the positive side, though, it can be said that in each incarnation we grow and learn a little bit, up to the point that we’ve developed sufficiently for the measure of self-reflection that is needed to connect with the Voice for Love, called the Holy Spirit in A Course in Miracles. Once we consciously start to train our thinking to observe our thought choices for either the ego or the Holy Spirit, the ego’s days are numbered, because we are beginning to recall our true Home again. From this point on, the end of the illusory fantasy journey is at hand. If you feel that this pertains to you also, you have reasons to be cheerful indeed!

To all students who are beginning to reach this phase in their soul journey, Jesus pleads: “This world you seem to live in is not home to you. And somewhere in your mind you know that this is true. A memory of home keeps haunting you, as if there were a place that called you to return, although you do not recognize the voice, nor what it is the voice reminds you of. Yet still you feel an alien here, from somewhere all unknown. […] some try to put by their suffering in games they play to occupy their time, and keep their sadness from them. Others will deny that they are sad, and do not recognize their tears at all. Still others will maintain that what we speak of is illusion, not to be considered more than but a dream. Yet who, in simple honesty, without defensiveness and self-deception, would deny he understands the words we speak? We speak today for everyone who walks this world, for he is not at home. He goes uncertainly about in endless search, seeking in darkness what he cannot find; not recognizing what it is he seeks. There is no substitute for Heaven. All he ever made was hell” (WpI.182.2:1-4:2).

Let’s close this Easter blog with Jesus’ poetic moving call from Workbook lesson 200: “Come [H]ome. You have not found your happiness in foreign places and in alien forms that have no meaning to you, though you sought to make them meaningful. This world is not where you belong. You are a stranger here. But it is given you to find the means whereby the world no longer seems to be a prison house or jail for anyone. Freedom is given you where you beheld but chains and iron doors. But you must change your mind about the purpose of the world, if you would find escape” (W-pI.200.4:1-5:2). We do this not by continually seeking outside ourselves, but through practicing silence, as for example in Workbook lesson 182: “I will be still an instant and go [H]ome”. Or, in the words of The impersonal life, a 1914 text scribed from the same Source: “If you will devote but one hour each day thus to Me alone, imagining and practicing the Presence of Me within you; I here promise you that you will not only soon, very soon find Me [i.e., Jesus/God], but I will be to you an exhaustless fount of such Wisdom and Strength and Help, as your human mind now cannot possibly conceive. You will learn to come to Me in Sweet Communion, and you will find yourself abiding in My consciousness, and that My Word is abiding in you, and that whatever you desire will in seemingly miraculous ways be done unto you” (The impersonal life, Ch.17). Happy practicing!

— Jan-Willem van Aalst, March 2024

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Conditional forgiveness

The central theme in A Course in Miracles is to learn how to forgive all the remaining dark spots in our own mind. To this end, we should work on a daily basis with the special relationships that we have formed with people, with possessions, with events, you name it. Anyone and anything can be transformed from a lesson-in-separation to a lesson-in-oneness, by re-evaluating what the relationship is for. Where we used to think the special relationship would bring us happiness, the Course’s re-evaluation shows us that it brings us only pain, and invites us to choose a different teacher to interpret the particular relationship.

Once we experience the inner peace that results from that other choice, forgiveness becomes more desirable, and so we put its practice somewhat more on the foreground in the mind each day. What we oftentimes fail to recognize, though, is that this only means we are now ready for forgiveness. That’s not the same as having mastered forgiveness. As Jesus reminds us in the text: “Readiness is only the prerequisite for accomplishment. The two should not be confused. As soon as a state of readiness occurs, there is usually some degree of desire to accomplish, but it is by no means necessarily undivided. The state does not imply more than a potential for a change of mind. Confidence cannot develop fully until mastery has been accomplished” (T-2.VII.7:2-6).

Once we experience the inner peace we want so much, there’s a tendency to demand instant enlightenment, simply because we want to feel good all the time. However, Jesus’ marked tempo in the Course is molto adagio (“very slow”), and with good reason. For example, whenever I think I truly forgive someone, and yet after a while I still notice feelings of hurt, resentment, rejection, anger, bitterness, and so on, I can be sure I have not yet truly forgiven that person, or better, my chosen relationship to that person. For many Course students, that’s an all-too familiar experience. Unfortunately, what oftentimes happens is that instead of patiently trying again and yet again, we make ourselves feel guilty for being such an inadequate spiritual student. And with guilt firmly in place, the ego has the last laugh, for guilt means its continuance is ensured.

For many Course students, a major eye-opener is the realization that it is exactly the unconscious devotion to the ego’s special individuality that’s the greatest block to true forgiveness. After all, true forgiveness ‘requires’ of me to see no differences whatsoever anymore between myself and the person (or situation) I condemned. Forgiveness will never be total until I can honestly say and mean: “I would rather be at one with you in Heaven outside time and space, than perceive us as separate in this dream world.” Until then, forgiveness remains “[…] a scourge; a curse where it was meant to bless, a cruel mockery of grace, a parody upon the holy peace of God.” (S-2.I.1:2). This is because deep down, I still judge myself as ‘better’ than you. Sure, as I am so enlightened I will not consciously condemn you anymore, but I still think I’m a better Son of God than you are.

In the Song of Prayer pamphlet, Jesus cautions his students against such thinking, which truly is a major obstacle in the process of going from readiness to mastery: “There are the [forgiveness] forms in which a “better” person deigns to stoop to save a “baser” one from what he truly is. Forgiveness here rests on an attitude of gracious lordliness so far from love that arrogance could never be dislodged. Who can forgive and yet despise? And who can tell another he is steeped in sin, and yet perceive him as the Son of God? Who makes a slave to teach what freedom is? There is no union here, but only grief. This is not really mercy. This is death” (S-2.II.2).

We should never forget that although the Course’s principles are simple, going from readiness to mastery is far from easy. The reason is obvious: I want to be enlightened, but I want it on my conditions. I want to experience the Love of God, but I want to keep experiencing it as a special individual. That’s because somewhere deep down, I still believe that this unique autonomous personality is all I have and all I am. What would I be if I were to give that up? I really couldn’t tell. The ego tells me I would be obliterated into nothingness (as punishment by God), but in A Course in Miracles, Jesus assures me that the only thing that would be obliterated is the ego itself, after which only love remains: “[…] You believe that without the ego, all would be chaos. Yet I assure you that without the ego, all would be love” (T-15.V.1:7).

“You have built your whole insane belief system [i.e., separation; a dream world; time; bodies; fear] because you think you would be helpless in God’s Presence, and you would save yourself from His Love because you think it would crush you into nothingness” (T-13.III.4). Enlightenment, then, comes down to the reversal of precisely that belief. And you and I can hardly expect that to be instantaneous; while you and I still firmly believe we are a body living in space and time (and that includes virtually all of us), it’s no use telling ourselves that time doesn’t exist. We need to patiently work in time with time, to ultimately learn we don’t need time. And no, suicide isn’t a shortcut in time; it’s merely a guarantee you will need still more time [i.e., lives] to ultimately learn Jesus’ curriculum of love.

It’s hardly weak to admit that you’re still afraid of the oneness Love of God. On the contrary; once you can acknowledge this, you’re being more honest to yourself than you’ve ever been before. But now at least you’ve obtained readiness to learn Jesus’ curriculum. It also means you acknowledge that you cannot go from readiness to mastery on ego-strength alone. Luckily, the decision maker in the mind is still free to choose one of two available guides: the ego (the choice for continuing separation), or the Holy Spirit, the choice for oneness. The practice of ‘making the better choice’ is a lifelong practice. That’s why in the workbook Jesus encourages his students to frequently ask ourselves: “’Who walks with me?’ This question should be asked a thousand times a day, till certainty has ended doubting and established peace.” (W-pI.156.8:1-2). This may seem to take a long time, but as you nurture the skill of patience, time becomes irrelevant. As the Buddhist saying goes: “Immediate results require infinite patience”. Or, in the context of this blog: “Instant enlightenment requires infinite patience”. Happy practicing!

— Jan-Willem van Aalst

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Do I hear the Holy Spirit or ego?

The spiritual curriculum called A Course in Miracles invites its students to become acutely aware of the two mind-guides we constantly choose between for our thoughts throughout the day: the ego (called ‘wrong-minded thinking’ in the Course) or the Holy Spirit (‘right-minded thinking’, the Voice for Love). In the Course we read that every thought we have boils down to either love or ‘not-love’, or, in terms of its metaphysics, unity (reality) or separation (illusion). The distinction in itself can be grasped easily enough, but realizing which of the two guides you’ve just chosen while you were thinking is not always so easy. This is partly because the ego (who is not a being in itself, but merely our own devotion to our precious special individuality, apart from Oneness) loves to imitate the Voice for Love, to keep us oblivious to its real intent (further separation), ensuring its continuity.

So how can I tell whether something I just thought, said or did was my choice for the Holy Spirit or for the ego? For example, if a friend is bed-ridden because of a severe flu, it may seem attentive and thoughtful to express my pity for the unfortunate setback that has struck this forlorn victim of a merciless world… but if I, deep down inside, feel grateful that the flu didn’t strike me and I am therefore better off, then we clearly have the ego in the driver’s seat here. Conversely, if I preach to my friend that all illness is an illusion, and that he can joyously cure himself just by realizing his true true heritage and Identity, then I’m obviously not being very loving either. So what to do?

Since this is obviously an important distinction to learn to master, Jesus in his Course specifically addresses this issue in both the Text and the Workbook. Let’s look at some prime examples. First from Chapter 23: “How can you know whether you chose the stairs to Heaven or the way to hell? Quite easily. How do you feel? Is peace in your awareness? Are you certain which way you go? And are you sure the goal of Heaven can be reached? If not, you walk alone” (T-23.II.22:6-12). And in the next chapter: “Only this is certain in this shifting world that has no meaning in reality: When peace is not with you entirely, and when you suffer pain of any kind, you have beheld some sin within your brother, and have rejoiced at what you thought was there” (T-24.IV.5:2). In Chapter 14, Jesus assures us: “You have one test, as sure as God, by which to recognize if what you learned [thought] is true. If you are wholly free of fear of any kind, and if all those who meet or even think of you share in your perfect peace, then you can be sure that you have learned God’s lesson, and not your own. Unless all this is true, there are dark lessons in your mind that hurt and hinder you, and everyone around you.” (T-14.XI.5:1-3).

So the main criterion is the perception of deep inner peace within you while you are thinking, talking or acting. This is really about whether or not you want to align your will with that of your Creator. As Jesus continues in the same lesson: “The absence of perfect peace means but one thing: You think you do not will for God’s Son what his Father wills for him” (T-14.XI.5:1-4). And last but not least, in the Workbook Jesus provides a specific test in this regard: “How can you tell when you are seeing wrong, or someone else is failing to perceive the lesson he should learn? Does pain seem real in the perception? If it does, be sure the lesson is not learned. And there remains an unforgiveness hiding in the mind that sees the pain through eyes the mind directs” (W-pI.193.7).

And so, in the same Workbook lesson Jesus concludes: “God would not have you suffer thus. He would help you forgive yourself. His Son does not remember who he is. And God would have him not forget His Love, and all the gifts His Love brings with it. Would you now renounce your own salvation? Would you fail to learn the simple lessons Heaven’s Teacher sets before you, that all pain may disappear and God may be remembered by His Son?” (W-pI.193.8). So what to do to accept this? Resign now as your own teacher (T-12.V.8:3), for the perception of pain proves that you taught yourself badly (T-28.I.7:1). The way to do this is to make it a habit to often ask yourself “Who walks with me?” (W-pI.156.8:1), the answer being either the ego or the Holy Spirit, and then to ask yourself “What would Love do here?” This may feel a bit cumbersome at first, but once it turns into a habit that sticks, you will find that inner peace starts to flow throughout your days in everything that you think, say or do. Happy practicing!

— Jan-Willem van Aalst, March 2024

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Why no-one likes Jesus and his Course

In chapter 19 of A Course in Miracles, Jesus addresses his readers as follows: “Where I am made welcome, there I am. I am made welcome in the state of grace, which means you have at last forgiven me.” (T-19.IV-A.16:6-17:1) This puzzles many students. Why would I have to forgive Jesus, and for what? Isn’t he the ultimate teacher whom I love above all else; the one whom I plead to be my guide so that I will eventually learn to accept the Atonement and finally choose to be right-minded all the time?

One might well ask the same question about why the biblical figure we call Jesus was murdered by crucifixion some two thousand years ago. After all, wasn’t he the savior back then as well? The trouble is that Jesus — and he realized this very well himself back then — awoke the slumbering, repressed guilt of those he addressed. In the deep unconscious underwater part of the iceberg we call the mind, everyone feels guilty over having separated from God, from Oneness, from Love. We all repress this guilt out of our awareness because we find it too horrible to face, fueled by the imagined fear of God’s wrathful vengeance. Yet what is repressed is projected out by definition; and so we spend our days trying to see guilt in everyone and everything around us, just so we don’t have to face it in ourselves.

Imagine, then, how these people would react to the appearance of this gentle man called Jesus, who is not only introduced as the one and only Son of God, but also attests to this divine role by performing one miracle after another. The same projection dynamic then dictates that the mind will (unconsciously) reason as follows: “Hey, there‘s the innocence that we thought we threw away at the separation, but he obviously stole it from us! We didn’t commit the sin of stealing love; he stole from us what should be rightfully ours! He‘s the culprit!” As Jesus explains in chapter 19: “I became the symbol of your sin, and so I had to die instead of you. To the ego sin means death, and so atonement is achieved through murder” (T-19.IV-A.17:3).

This dynamic is no different in our days; in form, perhaps, but not in content. When we study and practice A Course in Miracles, and slowly learn not to skip the passages we dislike, we read Jesus bluntly stating that “This world was made as an attack on God” (W-pII.3.2:1); “It is a joke to think that time can come to circumvent eternity” (T-27.VIII.6:5), and “You want your Father, not a little mound of clay [i.e., the body], to be your home” (T-19.IV-B.4:8). Jesus is in effect telling us that everything we think we are does not really exist. My body, my personality, my values, my grievances, my age, my sex, my possessions, everything I hold dear; it’s all make believe because I’m still convinced I can exist apart from my Creator, even though deep down I suspect I am an exile here (W-pI.182.1:1-2). Well, I may be a miserable sinner, but at least I exist. Or so I believe.

This is why nobody likes Jesus and his message; back then, and now. Or, as Ken Wapnick put it in his final workshop (2013): “We want to smack him!” We want to scream at him: “Take me seriously, dammit! Don’t you know I’m in pain? Take my hurt seriously! Take my anger seriously!” Jesus, however, just keeps on smiling gently, knowing that nothing at all has happened in reality to disturb the eternal peace of God. We just don’t want to hear him reminding us of the fact that we are “the dreamer of the dream” (T-27.VII.13:1) we call the physical universe, that “you are doing this [i.e., all our pain] to yourself” (T-27.VIII.10:1), and, above all, that “my salvation comes from me [i.e., myself]” (W-pI.70). Jesus is telling us, in effect, not only that our pointing fingers at others to see guilt solely outside of us is useless, but that our very belief that we exist as an individual is a joke. And nobody likes to be told he’s a joke.

So when Jesus asks us to forgive him, he is really asking us to forgive the projected image we unconsciously made of him in our mind. Remember, Jesus is not some divine external being who watches and judges our doings; he is, rather, a symbol of the eternal Love (capital L) that knows not of condemnation, exclusion, or separation. Or, as Jesus describes himself in the text: “I am the manifestation of the Holy Spirit, and when you see me it will be because you have invited Him in” (T-12.VII.6:1; M-6.1). Since the Holy Spirit is already always present in everyone’s mind, “inviting Him in” really means “accepting Him as our mind’s guide instead of the ego”. Therefore, if I fear Jesus’ message telling me that I, as separated individual, do not really exist, what I really fear is accepting my Identity as formless Love, which Jesus tells me I would re-experience once I would choose to “see the face of Christ in all my brothers and remember God” (M-6.2:1), ending my cherished individuality.

A Course in Miracles is a lifelong curriculum in training the mind to “seek and find all of the barriers that you have built against love” (T-16.IV.6:1-2). The problem is not that I wouldn’t want to experience Jesus’ eternal love; the problem is that I demand I can experience that as an autonomous individual. I want God to notice me as an individual, which is impossible because the whole tiny mad idea of individuality is a joke. This is why we hate Jesus and his damned Course. When Jesus says in chapter 19 that “I am made welcome in the state of grace, which means you have at last forgiven me”, he means that I have at last forgiven myself for my silly belief in duality (time; space; bodies; individuality), and that I want, above all else, to experience something much, much better: bringing the mind’s focus to the real world, which heralds the end of attack, pain, and death; but also the end of my deeply cherished ‘little mound of clay’.

Forgiving Jesus means forgiving ourselves for stubbornly answering the question “Do you prefer that you be right or happy?” (T-29.VII.1:9) with the foolhardy answer: “I want to be right. I think I know better than God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit”. Once we really contemplate, as workbook lesson 91 would have us do, the question: “I am not a body. What am I?” (W-pI.91.5:2), we recall Jesus’ loving promise in chapter 1 of the text: “There is nothing about me that you cannot attain. I have nothing that does not come from God. The difference between us now is that I have nothing else. This leaves me in a state which is only potential in you” (T-1.II.3:10-13). Indeed, “My salvation comes from me” (W-pI.70); once I forgive myself for wanting to be right at the expense of happiness; once I decide that above all else I want to see (W-pI.27), and that the Holy Spirit will guide me, at my own pace, to the state in which I attain all that Jesus was, is, and forever will be: my Self; Christ; the One Son of God. Happy practicing!

— Jan-Willem van Aalst

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Rest in peace… now!

Many centuries of religious indoctrination have led most of us to believe that being able to rest in peace is only possible when we at last relinquish this ‘mortal coil’ after a life of devoted sacrifice and suffering. This is of course the bread and butter of the ego thought system, which needs to keep the conviction going that the sinful separation from the Oneness Love of our Creator did indeed happen, that time and space are the ultimate reality, and that our vision remains restricted to what our sensory apparatus reports to us (i.e., separation and specialness, which always lead to fear and mindlessness). In A Course in Miracles though, Jesus reminds us at various places that the state of inner peace is available to each and every one of us, right here, right now. Let’s look at some of these passages.

“Why wait for Heaven? Those who seek the light are merely covering their eyes. The light is in them now. Enlightenment is but a recognition, not a change at all. Light is not of the world, yet you who bear the light in you are alien here as well. This light can not be lost. Why wait to find it in the future, or believe it has been lost already, or was never there? It can so easily be looked upon that arguments which prove it is not there become ridiculous. […] The peace of God is shining in you now, and from your heart extends around the world. It pauses to caress each living thing, and leaves a blessing with it that remains forever and forever. What it gives must be eternal. It removes all thoughts of the ephemeral and valueless” (W-pI.188.1:1-3:4).

“The one remaining problem that you have is that you see an interval between the time when you forgive, and will receive the benefits of trusting in your brother. […] You see eventual salvation, not immediate results. Salvation is immediate. Unless you so perceive it, you will be afraid of it, believing that the risk of loss is great between the time its purpose is made yours and its effects will come to you. […] A miracle is now. It stands already here, in present grace, within the only interval of time that sin and fear have overlooked, but which all there is to time. The working out of all correction takes no time at all… Be not content with future happiness” (T26.VIII.1:1; 2:6-3:1; 5:8-6:1).

“This course is not beyond immediate learning, unless you believe that what God wills takes time. And this means only that you would rather delay your recognition that His Will is so. The holy instant is this instant and every instant. The one you want it to be it is. The one you would not have it be is lost to you. You must decide when it is. Delay it not. For beyond the past and future, where you will not find it, it stands in shimmering readiness for your acceptance. Yet you cannot bring it into glad awareness while you do not want it, for it holds the whole release from littleness. Your practice must therefore rest upon your willingness to let all littleness go. The instant in which magnitude dawns upon you is but as far away as your desire for it” (T-15.IV.1:1–2:2).

These passages illustrate that God our Creator has never left His Son (i.e., all life combined); rather, we hallucinate that we have chosen to leave Him and build a tiny ephemeral kingdom for ourselves. The problem is therefore never the world or duality in and of itself. Our problem (let’s say: challenge) merely lies in our ongoing choice to remain asleep in the hallucinatory dream world we call the universe, the planet, and our individual lives. How silly! God is not angry at us; He loves His Son with an unchanging Love, and cares not for an illusion of duality. Remember: “it is a joke to think that time can come to circumvent eternity” (T-27.VIII.6:5). Like the prodigal son in the Biblical allegory, we are most welcome to return Home. Only our fear of losing our cherished individual little self, however painful that illusion may feel at times, keeps us from making the better choice once and for all (within the dream).

The key to awakening from this immense illusion is to not feel guilty and condemn yourself for being such a lousy (or slow) spiritual aspirant. Jesus often emphasizes that the mind-journey to the acceptance of the Atonement is a slow process, wherein we cannot skip the little steps, no matter how illusory they may be. All we need do is train our thinking on a daily basis to be vigilant for every scrap of darkness (i.e., negative thoughts) that we still hold on to, and then honestly evaluating whether or not we want to keep justifying that wrong-minded choice for ourselves. That’s it — this suffices as the ‘little willingness’ that is mentioned so often in the Course. Jesus adds: “It is not necessary that you do more; indeed, it is necessary that you realize that you cannot do more. Do not attempt to give the Holy Spirit what He does not ask, or you will add the ego to Him and confuse the two” (T18.IV.1:5-6). So why not practice to rest in peace now?

— Jan-Willem van Aalst, February 2024

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The Requiem as a reflection of Heaven here

In A Course in Miracles, Jesus invites his students to take him as a role model for their daily lives, in practicing to “see the face of Christ in all [our] brothers and remember God” (M-5.2.1:3). The way to do this is to become aware of all the wrong-minded thoughts we still cherish, which are always about some form of rejection or condemnation, and then asking the Holy Spirit to help us in choosing a better interpretation of the situation at hand. This is always entails some form of “letting go [of darkness] and letting come [of light]”, so that inner peace will automatically fill the vacant space ‘where sin has left’ (T-26.IV.2). We are thus asked to be a ‘beacon of light’ in a darkened, worn-out dream world. As Jesus puts it: “Your mission is very simple. You are asked to live so as to demonstrate that you are not an ego, and I do not choose God’s channels wrongly” (T-4.VI.6:2-3).

The mission in itself may be simple (as in: easy to comprehend), but its daily practice sure isn’t: it’s the perfect way of finding out just how much — deep down — we do not yet want the separation healed, and to notice each time we’ve been slip sliding away into ego thought mode… again. Of course, the reinterpretation of this is that each day holds out a myriad of happy self-forgiveness opportunities. Still, each time we feel we’re ready to take the next step in our ‘mission of love’, we would do well to remember that readiness is not mastery (M-4.IX.1:10). The successful study and practice of this Course is a process; diligent practice will lead to lasting inner peace, but this is a slow process without shortcuts. We cannot skip the little steps that are needed to make our way up the ladder back to Heaven, our Home in the Heart of God.

Luckily, the Holy Spirit provides each student with ample means to remind us of the importance of right-minded thinking. Such inspiration may come in the form of, for example, a cheerful conversation, a good book, or in any form of art. Personally, I often find such inspiration in music. Interestingly enough, in 1972 Helen Schucman took down a rather technical treatise called “Notes on sound” (some doubt if this came from Jesus, but that’s another discussion), which informed her that “Sound itself is potential energy, although it is generally thought of as an effect rather than a cause. The generating power of sound is due to its ability to dislodge particles from their accustomed patterns and rearrange them in others” (Notes on Sound (1972), p.26).

I take this to mean that music, if inspired by Love and listened to without judgment, can aid the mind in switching from wrong-minded thinking to right-minded thinking (a ‘rearrangement of patterns’). This healing ability is inherent in all genres; the crucial factor is how the music germinated within the composer or songwriter. There are many accounts of composers and songwriters who felt that a particular work ‘came to them’ (or: ‘was given them’) while they were in a meditative state of mind. Indeed, many of us have a pretty good notion of compositions that are definitely not-of-this-world. Having said that, I believe that classical music is particularly suited to such ‘channelings from Heaven’. In other words, if you want a reflection of Heaven in the headphones on your ears, chances are that classical music serves this best. This is because generally then more than now, composers wanted to connect with the everlasting Love of God.

The zenith of this desire to connect with God’s Love lies, I believe, in the Requiem. That is the Latin word for ‘rest’, ‘Requiem aeternam’ meaning ‘eternal rest’. A Requiem is generally thought of as funeral music, but to me (and to many composers) it’s much more about rediscovering and embracing the eternal connection with our Creator. Broadly speaking, there are two types of Requiems: the dramatic ones (which focus on sin, guilt, and retribution) and the consoling ones, which focus on ‘a quiet melting in’ (T-18.VI.14:6) of the mind with the Source of eternal Love and Creation. The aforementioned ‘reflection of Heaven’ will, needless to say, be found in the latter type of Requiems. Again, in my experience such music really does help to light up the beacon in our mind and remind us again of our mission to demonstrate, on a daily basis, that we are not an ego, and to inspire others to make the same mindshift.

So I would like to cordially invite you to explore the wonderful world of consoling Requiems. From my own collection of 300 commercially available recordings, I’ve shared below my Top-25 of Requiems which I find to be reflections of Heaven here on earth. The sense of inner peace such “sound energy” brings is really beyond comprehension, in my opinion. Of course, if you’re not auditory inclined, or already get the same sense of loving inspiration from other types of music or art, you should stick with that. But if you feel that the Holy Spirit gives you a gentle nod when asked if an exploration of Requiems is part of your path, feel free to start at the top of the list and work your way downwards in the coming year or so. Please note that the ranking on “Heavenly reflection score” is my own, and may differ from person to person. By the way, you won’t find Verdi’s famous Requiem here, as I think that’s a prime example of a dramatic Requiem with a focus on a vengeful last judgment instead of the unchanging love of our Father.

1. (1868) Brahms (1833-1897) Ein deutsches requiem, op.45 [Karajan]
2. (1791) Mozart (1756-1791) Requiem in D minor, KV.626 [Karajan]
3. (1888) Fauré (1845-1924) Requiem, op.48 [Willcocks]
4. (1605) Victoria (1548-1611) Requiem mass 1605 [Tenebrae]
5. (1998) Preisner (1955-) Requiem for my friend
6. (1897) Perosi (1872-1956) Messa da Requiem [Sacchetti]
7. (1849) Bruckner (1824-1896) Requiem in D minor, WAB.39 [Follert]
8. (1874) Gouvy (1819-1898) Requiem, op.70 [Houtmann]
9. (1733) Zelenka (1679-1745) Requiem in D for Elector Friedrich August I, ZWV.46 [Luks]
10. (1903) Olsson (1879-1964) Requiem in G minor, op.13 [Öhrwall]
11. (1987) Artyomov (1940-) Requiem [Kitayenko]
12. (1808) Vogler (1749-1814) Requiem in E-flat [Guglhör]
13. (1787) Cimarosa (1749-1801) Requiem in G minor [Negri]
14. (1760) Gossec (1734-1829) Grande Messe des Morts, RH.501 [Fasolis]
15. (1798) Kozlovsky (1757-1824) Requiem [Yesipov]
16. (1855) Suppé (1819-1895) Requiem in D minor for Pokorný [Corboz]
17. (1979) Bastiks (1912-2001) Requiem [Jansons]
18. (1837) Berlioz (1803-1869) Requiem (Grande Messe des morts) [Davis 1969]
19. (1816) Cherubini (1760-1842) Requiem for chorus and orchestra in C minor [Fasolis]
20. (1606) Du Caurroy (1549-1609) Requiem, Missa pro defunctis [Higginbottom]
21. (1959) Maciejewski (1910-1998) Missa pro defunctis (Requiem) [Strugala]
22. (1815) Martini (1741-1816) Requiem for Louis XVI & Marie Antoniette [Riedelbauch]
23. (1947) Duruflé (1902-1986) Requiem, op.9 [Best]
24. (1935) Ropartz (1880-1955): Requiem [Piquemal]
25. (1883) Bruneau (1857-1934): Requiem [Morlot]

Should this type of Heavenly reflection resonate with you and you want more, I can send you my entire list of 300 Requiems. Happy reflective listening!

Jan-Willem van Aalst, January 2024

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Christ consciousness

As a new calendar year announces its unfolding, it may be a good idea to stop for a moment and evaluate the choices you made in 2023; that is, ‘choices’ in terms of the two types of choices that Jesus posits in his spiritual curriculum called “A Course in Miracles“. What were the most striking moments when you did not choose to think and react lovingly, and what have these choices brought you? Please be acutely sensitive to any measure of guilt that may rise to the surface as you do this, for this is the ego’s weapon par excellence to keep itself alive and kicking, as all Course students know. You should of course also ask the complementary question: what were the most noticeable moments last year when you did choose to think and react lovingly, and what has this brought you? The evaluation of both sides of this coin should set you well on your way into a new year which will bring at least slightly more inner peace than before.

Why not invite yourself this new year to have Christ consciousness reborn in you? It’s not as if this was ever really absent, but in the playground of time and space in which we craved to wallow in our specialness game, we temporarily lost sight of this consciousness of all-encompassing love. So to “have Christ consciousness reborn in you” simply means to “recall this again”; that is, remind yourself that in each and every moment you are free to choose either separation or love. One choice will lead to additional distress in your life; the other will lead to a life as a happy learner, on his way to the full acceptance of the Atonement.

Choosing to have Christ consciousness reborn in you is not a one-time deal. Similarly, you don’t visit the gym once and then say: “Well, I’m glad that’s done! Now I’ll be healthy for life!” That’s not how it works. Recalling again the Christ consciousness is a daily practice, a way of life if you will. And strange as it may sound, focusing your attention on your true essence is way more natural than to perennially distract your mind with ephemeral worldly matters, although our deeply cherished ego will of course keep trying to convince us it’s the other way around. After all, what would become of the separated ego if you would truly, honestly choose to think and act lovingly all the time?

This daily practice is certainly not about denying all the darkness we experience in your lives. Of course there are wars raging everywhere. Of course there’s much hate, attack, and pain. Of course we experience lots of anger, fear and depression. What else should we expect from a world that has the ontological ego-desire of separation as its source? So the daily practice is especially about training the observer (decision maker) in your mind, above the battleground (T-23.IV). Watch your stream of thoughts. Don’t repress anything. However: choose to not longer be the willing slave of fear, anger and depression by losing yourself in the emotion. Just calmly watch the battleground of your mind, each spot of darkness that you still discern… and then choose once again who is actually the director of the process of the choosing of thoughts.

Be still! And know that you, God, Christ, and all your brothers are one. Whatever the ego-part of your thinking (‘wrong-minded thinking’) fervently wishes can only lead to deeper illusions, all of which will eventually fail you. Lasting happiness is of quite another magnitude than brief pleasures. Only your choice to follow the guidance of the Voice for Love will lead to lasting happiness. So it can be very helpful to practice and nurture, each and every day, your awareness of all the moments you apparently chose not to think and react lovingly; everything from the smallest frown to the most embarrassing outfit of rage. Realize that such thinking offers no gain at all, except another opportunity for self-forgiveness. Do not fight yourself in this – be gentle and kind to yourself. After all, we are all still very new in the ways of salvation (T-17.V.9:1).

This Christ consciousness is your true heritage. It is what you are. Choose to listen to the Voice for Love; practice the observer who discerns this Voice, and you will inevitably receive perfect guidance from day to day in what your chosen task is, right here in this particular incarnation. You can afford to be carefree in all your doings, for each apparent dooming block will either disappear like snow in the sun, or it will offer you yet another opportunity for further spiritual growth and awakening. That is, once you honestly feel the intrinsic desire to once again make a better choice for the teacher of your thoughts. Why not invite yourself this new year to have Christ consciousness reborn in you? And allow yourself to be reborn each and every day, until eternal love becomes your sole experience.

Happy new year!

— Jan-Willem van Aalst, december 31, 2023

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Seek for what is false

A Course in Miracles may be only one of many spiritual thought systems to awaken from the ego nightmare of separation in time and space, and yet it decidedly differs from most ‘feel good’ spiritualities that sell so well in the bookstores. In a sense, this difference may be summed up by the following quote from the text: “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all of the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. It is not necessary to seek for what is true, but it is necessary to seek for what is false” (T-16.IV.6:1-2). For many a spiritual aspirant, including Course Students, statements like these rank among their most unfavorite ones. After all, doesn’t spirituality boil down to a decision to seek for love instead of the ego? Why does Jesus seem to say the opposite?

Jesus of course doesn’t state the opposite, when carefully examined. First of all: what is ‘false’? Answer: every specialness (special relation) that you and I seek to uphold, in order to keep the illusion up of being a separated unique individual, apart from God. These are ‘the barriers we have built within ourselves’ to keep Love out. Why? Again, Jesus: “You have built your whole insane belief system because you think you would be helpless in God’s Presence, and you would save yourself from His Love because you think it would crush you into nothingness. […] You think you have made a world God would destroy; and by loving Him, which you do, you would throw this world away, which you would. […] Therefore, you have used the world to cover your love, and the deeper you go into the blackness of the ego’s foundation, the closer you come to the Love that is hidden there. And it is this that frightens you” (T-13.III.4).

We want to keep Love out because we do not want the separation healed: we fear we will be ‘erased’ when we give up our dream world of autonomous individuality. That is why studying the nondualistic metaphysics of A Course in Miracles is so important. These metaphysics teach us that our essence lies far beyond the body; it lies far beyond what our five senses can perceive. A rapidly growing pile of verifiable Near-death-experience (NDE) accounts affirm that you and I, as the soul-spirits that we are, cannot die: we just keep choosing stubbornly to reincarnate again and again in a body in time and space. Each time we choose to incarnate, we say to ourselves something like: “Perhaps this time a separation from Oneness will lead to lasting happiness, inner peace and salvation…” Everything we make up in the illusory dream world to keep that feeble hope alive is what Jesus refers to as “what is false”. We can fantasize about a tiny mad idea (ego), but we can never turn it into reality. And we can only be glad we cannot.

Hence Jesus’ plea to us to seek and find all of the barriers within ourselves that we have built against Love. Not to become angry, fearful or depressed about them, but to see them for what they really are: mistakes that are easily corrected as soon as we choose right-minded thinking. But to be able to honestly make that choice, we need to connect with the decision making part of the mind. That is why I often refer to that all-important section in Chapter 23 in the text, “Above the battleground” (T-23.IV). We need to practice, a thousand times a day, in becoming the observer of our thoughts. The exercise then becomes as follows: ““Who walks with me?” This question should be asked a thousand times a day, till certainty has ended doubting and established peace” (W-pI.156.8:1-2). Whenever the answer is ‘the ego’, you have once again found something within you that is false. Now you are able to forgive yourself and choose once again the Voice for Love, which is what all spiritualities ultimately invite us to do all the time. Happy practicing!

— Jan-Willem van Aalst, December 2023

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