Forgiving is forgetting

Students of A Course in Miracles no doubt notice the emphasis the text places on the difference between sin and mistakes. If you are ever to attain any measure of inner peace, understanding this distinction is crucial. A sin is permanent, irrevocable and unforgivable. The sinner is forever guilty, and this can never be reversed. Jesus uses the image of a stain of blood to depict the gravity of sin: “The stain of blood can never be removed, and anyone who bears this stain on him must meet with death.” (M-17.7:13). A mistake, on the other hand, is merely an error that can be corrected and thus erased; forgotten entirely.

Chapter 19, in particular, discusses this distinction between sin and error. In (T-19.II.1) we read: “It is essential that error be not confused with sin, and it is this distinction that makes salvation possible. For error can be corrected, and the wrong made right. But sin, were it possible, would be irreversible. […] Sin is not an error, for sin entails an arrogance which the idea of error lacks. To sin would be to violate reality, and to succeed. Sin is the proclamation that attack is real and guilt is justified.” Jesus then proceeds to explain why the ego is so stubborn in maintaining that sin can never be corrected: it is the best way to be able to point a finger at someone for his wickedness, automatically labeling yourself as the innocent ‘victim’. My own wish to be convinced that I am not sinful, but someone else is, can only be maintained by continually finding objects (or subjects) of guilt.

Make no mistake in how eagerly you and I still cling to the idea of sin in someone else. Again, in (T-19.II.5) we read: “Any attempt to reinterpret sin as error is always indefensible to the ego. The idea of sin is wholly sacrosanct to its thought system, and quite unapproachable except with reverence and awe. It is the most “holy” concept in the ego’s system; lovely and powerful, wholly true, and necessarily protected with every defense at its disposal. For here lies its “best” defense, which all the others serve. Here is its armor, its protection, and the fundamental purpose of the special relationship in its interpretation.” Further on in the text, Jesus unmasks our secret hidden fear that haunts us in our unconscious mind: the fear that am the real sinner (over having abandoned God my Creator). Seeing sin in another is, bottom line, a projection of the fear that I am the actual sinner whom God will surely punish in the dreaded Last Judgment. And so I spend my life “proving” to God that others are sinful and I am innocent.

A painful example of this projection and refusal to see the distinction between sin and error can be seen with the Jews who survived World War II. Their well-known statement that they “will forgive, but never forget” well illustrates their conclusion that what happened back then is a blood stain that can never be removed. The Nazi Germans are the ones to be punished by God, and all their victims are obviously innocent and should be allowed back into Heaven. While the point is not to deny the horrible things that happened in WW II (this has been thoroughly and reliably documented), to keep focusing on the ‘badness’ of the ones who ‘sinned’ back then is to keep the pain in the mind alive. The pain lies not so much in the remembering per se, but in the accompanying condemnation of those who committed the crimes. If I still refuse to recognize that even the most horrible war criminal is still a Son of God, I keep my own unforgiving mind very much alive, and therefore deprive myself of the inner peace I want so much. The argument for the statement “We will forgive, but never forget” is usually that we can learn from the past, to prevent such a hell from ever happening again. It’s true that we can learn from the past, but it’s quite something else to use this as an argument to keep condemnation alive.

We don’t have to accuse the Jewish people of doing this – we all willingly employ this thought mechanism in our everyday lives. Just take a look at your own mind for a moment, that is, from above the battleground, as an observer. You will probably have no difficulty in compiling a list of people that you don’t like and situations that you dread (caused by forces beyond your control, of course). As Kenneth Wapnick often pointed out in his essays and workshops, most of us only have to look at our relationships with our parents, or any other authority figures in our lives such as teachers or bosses/managers. Countless generations of adults have hid their pain for never having received their parents’ love that they feel they rightly deserved. Countless employees have chosen to feel victimized by their boss for not getting the rewards they feel they rightly deserved. The key element here is that I keep remembering the most painful events to be able to keep my condemnation alive. Again, my investment in upholding condemnation is born from my projected fear that I am the sinner for having rejected the Love of God, and therefore the one to be punished. Seeking to forget that, I project it out onto suitable scapegoats such as the authority figures mentioned above.

Luckily, this realization about projection also points to the way out of this inner hell. If forgiving means forgetting, I must find in mind a clear, convincing, undeniable reason to forget, otherwise I simply won’t allow myself to forget anything. This convincing reason, as mentioned above and in earlier posts, is the realization that I am not an individual in an uncontrollable world, but I am the dreamer of the dream of separation. Our entire dream world is holographic: the whole is found in each part. This is true for both the ego thought system and the Holy Spirit’s thought system. The metaphysics of A Course in Miracles need to be fathomed to a certain degree to find the convincing motivation to let condemnation go and to practice true forgiveness. Taking the above-mentioned authority figures as an example, the Holy Spirit offers us ample opportunities to reconsider our relationship with them, and giving our thoughts over to the Holy Spirit and gladly accepting the unconditional Love that automatically and gladly fills the vacuum of the withheld condemnation.

Realizing that the seeming separation into billions of fragmented individuals is a joke, we can slowly realize that on the spiritual level, me and my parents/boss/teacher do not have separate interests at all: we are the one Son of God who chooses to remain asleep in this dream world. Practicing true forgiveness (that is, including the forgetting of the condemnation that accompanied it) is the royal road to slowly lead this dream back to its beginning, where it will vanish into the nothingness from whence it came. Choosing to regard the everyday world this way is called Vision in A Course in Miracles. And Vision can only be chosen now. To conclude, we review an inspiring thought from Workbook Lesson 164 that captures the essence of the message of this post:

“What time but now can truth be recognized? The present is the only time there is. And so today, this instant, now, we come to look upon what is forever there; not in our sight, but in the eyes of Christ. He looks past time, and sees eternity as represented there. He hears the sounds the senseless, busy world engenders, yet He hears them faintly. For beyond them all He hears the song of Heaven, and the Voice for God more clear, more meaningful, more near.
The world fades easily away before His sight. Its sounds grow dim. A melody from far beyond the world increasingly is more and more distinct; an ancient call to which He gives an ancient answer. You will recognize them both, for they are but your answer to your Father’s Call to you. Christ answers for you, echoing your Self, using your voice to give His glad consent; accepting your deliverance for you.
How holy is your practicing today, as Christ gives you His sight and hears for you, and answers in your name the Call He hears! How quiet is the time you give to spend with Him, beyond the world. How easily are all your seeming sins forgot, and all your sorrows unremembered. On this day is grief laid by, for sights and sounds that come from nearer than the world are clear to you who will today accept the gifts He gives.” (W-pI.164.1-3).

Also see my seven “guidelines for living in an illusory world” in “Miracles or Murder: a guide to concepts of A Course in Miracles“. This guidebook, endorsed by Gary and Cindy Renard, was published in March 2016 by Outskirts Press and is available at


An attitude of gratitude

For many students of A Course in Miracles, the curriculum can at times seem like a hopeless task. After all, this is a mind training program that “…requires willingness to question every value that you hold. Not one can be kept hidden and obscure but it will jeopardize your learning.” ( We learn about the laws of chaos that we unknowingly but purposefully live by. Even though we would maintain that we “…do not believe these senseless laws, nor act upon them.[…]”, Jesus assures us that “Brother, you do believe them.” (T-23.II.18:3) This is exemplified almost every day, when we realize we didn’t do the particular Workbook lesson for the day as perfectly as we had intended. Ouch! We may come to wonder how we are ever going to attain the complete thought reversal that the Course requires of us.

How refreshing, then, to see Jesus formulate our assignment in a much simpler way, stated early in the Textbook: “Your gratitude to your brother is the only gift I want. I will bring it to God for you, knowing that to know your brother is to know God. […] Through your gratitude you come to know your brother, and one moment of real recognition makes everyone your brother because each of them is of your Father.” (T-4.VI.7:2). Also in chapter 9: “If you would know your prayers are answered, never doubt a Son of God” (T-9.II.4:1). And, again in the Psychotherapy pamphlet: “Hear a brother call for help and answer him. It will be God to Whom you answer, for you called on Him. There is no other way to hear His Voice. There is no other way to seek His Son. There is no other way to find your Self.” (P-2.V.8).

So instead of laboring a lifetime on a complete reversal of all my (wrong-minded) thoughts, all my cherished values, all my conditioning and the projections that are in my most unforgiving mind, it suffices to give a heartfelt smile to my brother..? Well, yes; but to avoid level confusion, we should make sure we can mindfully distinguish between form and content. For one, Jesus does not ask us to deny wrong-minded behavior in this world where we are convinced we are making a living in. This is form. For example, Jesus does not ask of us to deny our feelings of distaste for certain people (you and I can probably name a few in our direct vicinity, as well as several people in the news!) A focus on content means: realizing that all behavior is either love or a distorted call for love. Only by focusing on that content can we learn to “meet attack without attack and therefore without defense.” (P-2.IV.10:1)

Learning to perceive the forms, such as verbal accusations or physical violence, but to subsequently act from a focus on content is beautifully described by Jesus in (T-9.III.2:5), whenever we feel attacked: “He may be making no sense at the time, and it is certain that, if he is speaking from the ego, he will not be making sense. But your task is still to tell him he is right. You do not tell him this verbally, if he is speaking foolishly. He needs correction at another level, because his error is at another level. He is still right, because he is a Son of God. His ego is always wrong, no matter what it says or does. If you point out the errors of your brother’s ego you must be seeing through yours, because the Holy Spirit does not perceive his errors.” That is content. You meet attack without attack.

In other words, I can afford to give Jesus the gift of gratitude to my brother, if I can master the distinction between form and content. In form, when I meet a brother (on the street, at work, in my home, you name it), he and I can discern all sorts of differences and things that we don’t like about each other. Since the ego was born as the idea of attack and separation, these elements will always seem to be there in some form.  In content, though, since me and my brother are of the same Father, all seemingly separate interests are illusory. Every perceived attack can be right-mindedly reinterpreted as a distorted call for love. This doesn’t mean that I should allow any brother to use me as the proverbial doormat, but it does mean that I can choose a loving response to every situation. The Holy Spirit will guide me in this if I let Him.

So try a heartfelt smile today whenever you meet a brother! (Not the toothpaste smile which is of the ego, but a genuinely heartfelt smile; the difference is discernible in the eyes.) With the “love or distorted call for love” realization in mind, there’s no reason to not think and act lovingly, regardless of what happens. Each day offers us ample opportunities to learn (and teach) this. Jesus even presents us with some examples. Take the casual ‘chance encounters’ discussed in (M-3.2): “Perhaps the seeming strangers in the elevator will smile to one another; perhaps the adult will not scold the child for bumping into him; perhaps the students will become friends. Even at the level of the most casual encounter, it is possible for two people to lose sight of separate interests, if only for a moment. That moment will be enough. Salvation has come.”

So every time you tend to feel dispirited because of the enormous mind-changing task that Jesus seems to ask of us, realize this is the ego at work. As always, the thing to do is to observe your thoughts “from above the battleground”, without condemnation, and then ask the Holy Spirit for help in what to think and do. With this invitation comes the realization that we really do not have separate interests at all, and that any attack is really a distorted call for love. Also, as I mentioned in my book “Miracles or murder” a few times, remember Philo’s famous notion to “be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about”. Why not offer a simple heartfelt smile? This is the gratitude that Jesus asks of us. It is God to whom we answer, acknowledging our Self.

Also see my seven “guidelines for living in an illusory world” in “Miracles or Murder: a guide to concepts of A Course in Miracles“. This guidebook, endorsed by Gary and Cindy Renard, was published in March 2016 by Outskirts Press and is available at


Lay down your arms

The 2016 U.S. Presidential election posed some serious emotional challenges for many spiritual aspirants who are seeking to attain the experience of lasting inner peace no matter what happens. Spiritualities such as A Course in Miracles may teach to “seek not to change the world, but choose to change your mind about the world” (, from the fundamental premise that “There is no world!” (W-pI.132.6), but the presidential election serves as a reminder of just how much we still need to learn to really believe this. As the Course says about our deepest desire “I want the peace of God“: “To say these words is nothing. But to mean these words is everything.” (W-pI.185.1). We obviously do not mean these words wholeheartedly yet, for otherwise we wouldn’t be here in time and space anymore. And all the while our ego whispers that we will never ever mean this, because the peace of God is clearly a lie, if we look seriously around us.

It does seem like a mission impossible to finally get to the point to really mean these words. And yet, there are shining examples of great minds who have demonstrated their ability to manifest this belief into real-life experience. And we don’t have to go back in history as far as Buddha or Jesus of Nazareth. Let’s take a situation wherein inner peace would no doubt be inconceivable: being imprisoned in a Nazi concentration camp during World War II. And yet Viktor Frankl found himself in exactly that unfortunate position. He discovered inner peace and he survived. You may want to read his 1946 book “Man’s Search for Meaning”. While he was never into nonduality, Viktor concluded “…that love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire. The salvation of man is through love and in love. I understood how a man who has nothing left in this world still may know bliss, be it only for a brief moment, in the contemplation of his beloved. In a position of utter desolation, […] in such a position man can, through loving contemplation of the image he carries of his beloved, achieve fulfillment.”

Another example is from Kenneth Wapnick’s experience of unexpectedly finding a burglar in his own apartment. Without denying his own understandable initial feelings of shock and fright, he nevertheless was able to quickly step back and ask the Holy Spirit for help, which entailed the reminder that God’s Son is One. He gave the burglar the contents of his purse, who then returned a portion of it. Ken demonstrated not attack but only Love, and this had a profound effect on his ‘visitor’. He left Ken’s house with the emotional plea “Pray for me…” While you and I may not yet have achieved the advanced degree of “letting go, letting come” that Viktor Frankl, Kenneth Wapnick, and other inspiring examples that you probably know of have achieved, they do serve as a shining beacon and promise that it is indeed possible to go from saying “I want the peace of God” to really meaning it and living it.

The beauty of A Course in Miracles is that it convincingly explains us why we do not fully want the peace of God yet as long as we still seem to be breathing here in time and space, eating, sleeping and working, and counting the hours, days, and years. Recall this incisive passage from (T-13.III.4): “You have built your whole insane belief system because you think you would be helpless in God’s Presence, and you would save yourself from His Love because you think it would crush you into nothingness. You are afraid it would sweep you away from yourself and make you little, because you believe that magnitude lies in defiance, and that attack is grandeur. You think you have made a world God would destroy; and by loving Him, which you do, you would throw this world away, which you would. Therefore, you have used the world to cover your love, and the deeper you go into the blackness of the ego’s foundation, the closer you come to the Love that is hidden there. And it is this that frightens you.” Why? Because in His Love there is no individuality, only a “Oneness joined as One”, which is the end of individuated personality. That’s our fear

The answer to this fear is found in many places in the Textbook, Workbook, and Manual for Teachers. Let’s look at one particularly inspiring answer, found in Workbook lesson 170, “There is no cruelty in God and none in me”. This lesson exposes the ego ploy of keeping us mindless by having our minds focus continually on a dangerous world, which we need to defend ourselves against all the time. In (W-pI.170.2:4) we read: “Today we learn a lesson which can save you more delay and needless misery than you can possibly imagine. It is this: You make what you defend against [i.e., fear], and by your own defense against it is it real and inescapable. Lay down your arms, and only then do you perceive it [as] false.” And a little further on: “Love would ask you lay down all defenses as merely foolish. And your arms indeed would crumble into dust. For such they are.” (W-pI.170.5:4)

To you who seek the experience of lasting inner peace no matter what happens, Jesus says mildly: “Lay down your arms”. This comes down to withholding all judgment and condemnation. Accept the now as it is, for you are safe, now and forever. The inner peace of the Son of God only seems shattered if you choose to perceive it as such. No matter how bad the situation currently seems to be, or how bleak the future appears to you, know that this perception is a choice. Even in the most despairing of situations, you can always realize that you are not a helpless figure in a dream, but the dreamer of the dream. You therefore always have the option of making a different choice in your mind, namely stepping back and asking the Holy Spirit for help in what to think, perceive, and do. Again, saying these words is nothing, but to mean them is everything. And don’t be afraid you are asked to reach the finish of this seemingly impossible mind-changing journey on your own. Your part is merely to train yourself to be mindful as much of the time as possible, honestly look at the devastation in your mind, and nurturing your willingness to be guided by a better Teacher. And where He is made welcome, there He is (T-19.IV.16:6).

Also see my seven “guidelines for living in an illusory world” in “Miracles or Murder: a guide to concepts of A Course in Miracles“. This guidebook, endorsed by Gary and Cindy Renard, was published in March 2016 by Outskirts Press and is available at


The tragic hero

When we’re in the cinema watching a good movie, we can become totally immersed in what’s happening on the screen. It’s amazing to realize the biochemistry that runs through our veins merely because of our interpretation of the colored lights we see projected on the big screen. We deeply identify with the main character, and join in the struggle of the ‘good’ against the ‘bad’. We are not all bothered by CGI that makes it seem like incredulously impossible things are happening. And at the closing of the movie, we’re satisfied to have been acknowledged that the struggle of the main character was worth it. We secretly project this conclusion onto our own lives: yes, we’ve got ninety-nine problems, but in the end the struggle will be worth it. The problem is that since we unconsciously realize the hopelessness of the bodily life, we seek this acknowledgment of the usefulness of our struggle over and over again, and so we keep watching movies.

The PC gaming craze is essentially not very different. We all know alarming stories of kids who play for hours on a row while forgetting to drink, eat, and move about, fueling the growing epidemic of brainwave disorders. Especially the most aggressive warrior and war games are immensely popular. Why? Because I’m the hero! It affirms to my ego that it’s me against a dangerous and hateful world, which I can and must defend myself against at all cost. Imagining, then, through the game, that I’m powerful enough to survive in this hell – or, in some cases, even conquer it and become god over everything – is just one way of forgetting that under my skin, I’m deeply uncertain, lonely, and in constant fear. Such games serve as a convenient distraction to, again, forget the inherent hopelessness of living in a body. I can happily hallucinate that I am the hero who may be struggling now, but who will be victorious in the end. How tragic!

We actually don’t need cinemas or PC games to shroud us in this illusion. Our all too familiar nightly dreams serve this purpose equally well. While we dream, we are convinced we are the central figure in our dream world, where the most bewildering things can happen without us so much as raising an eyebrow about it. These may be ecstatic dreams or they may be fearful dreams, but in all cases the dream centers on the individual personality I call my self. Freud has argued that dreams are the expressions of unconscious wishes. And so we find in dreams, just as in movies, a chance to be the glorious hero in a strange and bewildering world where the most unexpected things can happen. As we read in A Course in Miracles: “Dreams… are the best example you could have of how perception can be utilized to substitute illusions for truth. You do not take them seriously on awakening because the fact that reality is so outrageously violated in them becomes apparent… Dreams show you that you have the power to make a world as you would have it be, and that because you want it you see it. And while you see it you do not doubt that it is real… You seem to waken, and the dream is gone.” (T-18.II.2).

The startling thing about A Course in Miracles (I somehow keep typing ‘curse in miracles’, a subtle ego projection…) is that Jesus tells us that what we usually regard as our daily reality, is every inch a silly dream as our nightly dreams. Jesus tells me that when I wake up in the morning, I do not wake up to reality; I wake up to the “waking dream” of time, space, and perception. As Jesus clearly states: “What you seem to waken to is but another form of this same world you see in dreams. All your time is spent in dreaming. Your sleeping and your waking dreams have different forms, and that is all.” (T-18.II.5) This is absolutely mind-boggling if you think about it seriously, and so we simply do not accept it.

Jesus in A Course in Miracles is well aware of this perfectly understandable refusal, and so he spends many passages patiently explaining this to our incredulous minds. For example, in (T-3.VII.4): “You can perceive yourself as self-creating, but you cannot do more than believe it. You cannot make it true… the belief that you can is the foundation stone in your thought system. […] You still believe you are an image of your own making.” And, from (T-20.III.4): “Do you like what you have made? A world of murder and attack, through which you thread your timid way through constant dangers, alone and frightened, hoping at most that death will wait a little longer before it overtakes you and you disappear. You made this up. It is a picture of what you think you are; of how you see yourself.”

This message of the illusory dream nature of what we regard as reality is only understandable once we seriously consider the metaphysical notions of duality and non-duality. A Course in Miracles is a strictly non-dualistic spirituality, with zero compromise. Remember the (to the ego highly frustrating) words of the introduction: “Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God.” According to A Course in Miracles, what is unreal is everything that is not love, and this would include the silly idea of the seeming separation from God, resulting in a physical universe and planet Earth. In the Manual for Teachers we read the following about the separation: “In time this happened long ago. In reality it never happened at all.” (M-2.2). Just like our nightly dreams, this universe and this world never happened! Heaven, the non-dual Kingdom of God, knows nothing about it. “Not one note in Heaven’s song was missed.” (T-26.V.5) Of course not, since Heaven knows not of time and space.

And yet you and I still believe we exist in time and space, even though we may intellectually begin to accept its illusory nature. The fact that I typed this blog and you are reading it, means that you and I still choose to believe in time and space, and therefore remain asleep in what we can regard as our ‘waking dream’.  Again, Jesus patiently unmasks this illusion, at a very gentle pace so that we have ample time to consider it without having to give up everything we cherish as valuable. In the end though, to find lasting inner peace means fully accepting that we are still choosing death, constantly chanting that what God Wills for us will never happen, but that this will not make us happy, since we think we are what we are not. “Can you who see yourself within a body know yourself as an idea?” (T-18.VIII.I:5). “What you have given ‘life’ is not alive, and symbolizes but your wish to be alive apart from life, alive in death, with death perceived as life, and living, death.” (T-29.II.6) These at first puzzling lines only make sense once we can accept that ‘death’ is anything that does not reflect the love of God here, and ‘life’ means eternal unchangeable life outside time and space.

We find an instructive summary of this mind-boggling phenomenon in Workbook lesson 167: “What seems to be the opposite of life is merely sleeping. When the mind elects to be what it is not, and to assume an alien power which it does not have, a foreign state it cannot enter, or a false condition not within its Source, it merely seems to go to sleep a while. It dreams of time; an interval in which what seems to happen never has occurred, the changes wrought are substanceless, and all events are nowhere. When the mind awakes, it but continues as it always was.” (W-pI.167.9). Luckily, we need not be afraid about this dream, since “Ideas remain united to their source. They can extend all that their source contains. […] But they cannot give birth to what was never given them.” (W-pI.167.5). Again, in the same important lesson: “The mind can think it sleeps, but that is all. […] What seems to die is but the sign of mind asleep. […] Yet mind is mind, awake or sleeping.”

A Course in Miracles is a mind-training curriculum that teaches us to look at this silly dream of ours, evaluate it honestly and correctly, and – this is the best part – learn to accept the only decision that will truly make us happy: accepting the Atonement and becoming a happy learner, a Teacher of God, quietly and calmly entering the real world, becoming enveloped in God’s Grace. And “Grace is the gift by which God leans to us and lifts us up, taking salvation’s final step Himself.” (W-pI.168.3). (This is meant metaphorically since God does not do anything; it is Jesus’ poetical way of picturing our own decision to return to God again.) So what ‘s a good way to go about this process of slowly waking up?

The essential ingredient to waking up is forgiveness, though not forgiveness as the world usually sees it. True forgiveness is asking the Holy Spirit to help me learn to withhold my condemnation of just about everything around me. I do this by looking at this devastation in my mind from above the battleground. Jeez, everything I seem to behold outside of me is in the mind! And so the dream world is, too. In other words, with the help of the Holy Spirit I can learn to look at this entire dream world, without attachment. I can then acknowledge without judgment that I, as holographic part of the one Son of God, deliberately chose this dream, and this need not be. Imagine yourself (as Ken Wapnick often taught) sitting in the cinema with Jesus beside you (as manifestation of the Holy Spirit) and looking with him at the movie we call our earthly world. Don’t identify yourself with the characters as you usually would in the cinema; just look. When you look closely, Jesus will make you realize that what you see is not a bunch of separated fragments fretting about on stage; it’s Christ, the one Son of God, seemingly fragmented, dreaming of exile in a barren desert. Forgive this image (that is, your ‘wrong’ mind) truly, and it is gone.

Again, since you and I are reading this, we haven’t done so yet in time, but that’s quite okay. Don’t be taken in by the ego’s constant seductive call to feel guilty about this and that. Keep asking The Holy Spirit for help, and forgive yet another bit of condemnation in your mind about some silly aspect of the dream. We won’t be hurled up into Heaven unexpectedly; we only wake up when we know we are ready for it and want nothing else. And this glad realization will come in time to every mind, guaranteed. Forget the tragic hero of the dream, and choose to become a happy learner.

Also see my seven “guidelines for living in an illusory world” in “Miracles or Murder: a guide to concepts of A Course in Miracles“. This guidebook, endorsed by Gary and Cindy Renard, was published in March 2016 by Outskirts Press and is available at